i’m ashamed of myself today. 

I’m ashamed of myself today. 
I couldn’t stand up to my own mother.
And I’m ashamed of myself today.

I have very narrow minded people at home, especially my mother. 
So today I was showing her some pictures and of course, she couldn’t care much because I never had that kind of relationship with my mother where I could just sit and talk with her about things I like or how I almost finished a bottle of Nutella yesterday, you know? So she brought up the topic of how I’ve been writing about things like rape,  vaginas, mental illness, etc. And I’m extremely furious thinking about it now, because she was so disgusted and disturbed by that fact. She told me that I think I’ve already grown up to talk like that.That I’m still young and shouldn’t talk about disgusting things like rape.

I know she’s wrong about all the things above. And I have no shame in talking about my own mother. But I’d like to address every person, who thinks this way. 

I know my mother was wrong and I know for once that I was doing all the right things but I DIDN’T FUCKING STAND UP FOR MYSELF. 

and I thought that I like to think I’m so strong to face any criticism when I write bold poetry like I do but I couldn’t stand up to my own mother. 

And the worst part I thought was that for the first time I didn’t put my poetry on Facebook custom hiding from my mother because I thought she’d be proud of me. When she first brought this topic out today I was elated that for once I needed my mother to praise me and be proud of me. 

It really hurt me. But more than that it made me furious.

For once, in a very long time, I like to think I’m right for once. That no, there is no age to talk about important things, and even though it’s sad that people consider rape and other things like that as disgusting, it is very important to not get influenced by their criticism. There is no learning from narrow minded people. You can’t change them, or their thinking, but you have to keep doing whatever the fuck you want.

And I think the age factor to staying bold and beautiful talking important things in the world is completely ridiculous. Like for example when my mom told me I’m JUST 19 to talk about rape and other things. I was thinking ‘HOW MUCH OLDER SHOULD I BE MOM, TO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT TALKING ABOUT ‘SEX WITHOUT CONSENT IS A WRONG THING’ HOW MUCH OLDER SHOULD I BE TO KNOW THAT EVEN IF YOU ARE SIX YEARS OLD, YOU CAN BE RAPED. HOW OLDER SHOULD I BE MOM, TO TRY TO MAKE A LITTLE CHANGE?’ 

I’d definitely like to say that once you’re in an age where you understand what’s right and what’s wrong it should be completely upon you to stand up for what you believe in even if it’s something where your beliefs defy your parents. 

And I by no means am speaking against parents or anything of that sort and I know people must be thinking when they read this that they’re uncomfortable because I’m speaking for myself against my mother, but to be honest, it’s really important you know?

I’m really furious right now at how everything works. But doesn’t mean personally, that I’m going to stop believing in writing or talking about things I consider extremely important because I know they are. What’s very important is you realize that you have your own identity and you are YOUR OWN PERSON.

And its okay to be out of place in what you believe in your family. 

I mean let’s be real, if everybody went with what their parents thought they were doing wrong, they’d always fail in what THEY believe in because of their fear that they’re not going to make their mother/father proud. 

It’s okay.
And next time you go through a situation like I went through, no matter WHO IT IS, stand up for yourself. Or at least try to. 

If not anyone, you’ll make yourself proud i promise.